With all I am

Disclaimer: Not my characters or universe, just one mediocre follow-up storyline.

A/N: Unbeta-ed, excuse my tenses and other errors. COMPLETE

Chapter 3

She winced at the emotions expressed in the pair of eyes just across her. Or rather, the lack of an emotion. Though they sat mere feet away from each other, the gap between them felt eons wide. She opened her mouth, words on the tip of her tongue, but failed to utter a single syllable.

Swallowing hard, she tried again, forcing a smile onto her face. “I see you haven’t forgotten,” she said, gesturing to the red ribbon which lay beside them. “It’s nice to know my friends still remember me." She hoped that she was remembered fondly.

One look at the face of the woman sitting against the wall should have been enough to know that her attempt at making peace had backfired. The bitter words that crashed into her ears more than confirmed her suspicions.
“Of course you appreciated me wearing it. It brought him right into your bed, didn’t it?”

They both recoiled, one shocked at what has slipped past her lips and the other shocked at what she has just heard.

“It’s Cloud’s own choice. I didn’t force him.” She retorted in indignation. “And for the record, I’ve barely touched him.” She straightened up, staring straight ahead. It was clear that the other woman did not believe her words. Actually, she wasn’t even sure if she believed it herself.

“I’m sorry,” the other woman offered, drawing her knees up to her chest, rocking silently on the tiled floor. “I know you haven't. You're not like that.”

“I’m sorry, too." It was all she could say in response.

People said that words said in anger were truthful words. She wondered if this was true. An awkward silence settled over them.Aerith didn’t know why she had come here today. She didn’t know what she had aimed to accomplish by her visit. Maybe she’d been selfish enough to try to convince herself that her trysts weren’t harming anyone but themselves. Maybe she’d been worried enough about Tifa to come and see how she was holding up.

Holding up. Those two words already tell you that something’s wrong. You’re the most pathetic Cetra Gaia has ever seen. Aerith’s berating of herself was cut short as Tifa stood abruptly to her feet.“If there’s nothing else, I would appreciate if you’d go back to where you came from so I can take a bath. I need to start breakfast soon,” said Tifa brusquely.

Stung by Tifa’s casual dismissal, Aerith stuttered in response.“I could wait for when you’re done...”Tifa turned around to face her. “Wait for me? Whatever for?”

For once, she was glad she didn’t blush anymore.Aerith found herself grasping for words. “I… I thought we could catch up with each other. Talk to each other. I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

Tifa turned back to the shower to check the water, hair spilling across her shoulder, obscuring her face. “Well, you picked the wrong time. I’m busy right now. I’m sorry.”

Her tone was curt, but Aerith heard something else in it. Something that made her walking over to Tifa’s side, muster enough will to become corporeal, and to lay a hand on her friend’s shoulder.“I..,” she hesitates, searching for the words. “I just want you to know that I still think of you as my best friend, even you don’t think so anymore.” Words spilled past Aerith’s lips as she fought to express her emotions. “I wish I didn’t keep hurting you. I wish that…” Aerith’s voice caught in her throat.

Tifa turned to face her, something shimmering in her eyes.“I’ll... I’ll talk to you later. Okay?” Tifa’s voice is softer, more vulnerable than it had ever been throughout the entire conversation. Without waiting for an answer, Tifa stepped into the cubicle, drawing the shower curtain behind her.Aerith stepped back, letting herself fade away from human sight. She could wait. They were all worth waiting for, she told herself.

They are all worth as much as he is.

~

She sat cross legged on the edge of Denzel’s bed, eyes listlessly tracing the chequered pattern of the quilt. Gazing around the dull-coloured room, she smiled wistfully at the childish drawings that littered the drab room, chipped toys that lay under the drawers and cabinets. A lone square of colour on his bedside table caught her eye.

Bending down over the tiny dresser, she peered at the faces captured in the photo. The jubilant members of AVALANCHE, victorious after the Geostigma crisis, smiled up at her. Aerith felt as if her breath should catch in her chest.

The joyful countenances in the photo were in stark contrast to the brooding atmosphere that now blanketed Seventh Heaven. Especially his. After Cloud had defeated Sephiroth’s Remnants, he’d seemed more open, more at peace with himself. He’d been able to form a connection with Denzel and Marlene, been able to play the role of a big brother, a father, even. He had been able to give them the childhood which he himself never really had. He had seemed close to locking his past away. But ghosts of the past never really leave those whom they used to haunt, and Cloud had slipped back into their grasp.

Aerith heard the door across the hall creak open, the velvet tread of soft boots across the warping wooden planks. Tifa was headed down the stairs, leaving her the only soul awake on the second floor of Seventh Heaven.

She didn’t want a confrontation. She believed neither of them did. They both needed time to think; time to straighten out their tangled thoughts. Voices drifted up from bar, and Aerith strained to listen.

“You okay?” Barret, predictably, was asking after Tifa.

Aerith couldn’t hear Tifa’s softer tones, and slipped down through the floor, hoping to hear news of Cloud.

“I don’t need your concern, Barret.” Tifa glanced at her watch as she pulled mugs and bottles out onto the bartop.

“Would you help me wake Marlene? I’m running late this morning.”

The big man inched towards the stairs, still facing Tifa, obviously rather unwilling to leave the matter. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Aerith winced again, expecting an explosion.

“I’m fine, Barret.” Tifa’s reply was surprisingly calm. “If I’ve anything to say, I’ll tell you later, not now. The walls have ears.”

“All the better that the children are still sleeping, then, if it isn’t fit for their ears. It is Cloud, isn’t it? What’s he done to you this time?” Barret was showing an emotional depth Aerith had never seen before.

“He’s done nothing. And I wasn’t talking about the children. I was talking about some other people who just insist on staying around.”

Aerith barely noticed the confused expression on Barret’s face, so shocked she was at the vitriol in Tifa’s normally gentle voice.

“It’s not your fault, Barret. I’m not angry with you. Just help me wake the kids up, alright?” Tifa attempted a smile.

Aerith didn’t hear Tifa’s words, but instead slipped out the door. Seventh Heaven had become too painful a place for ghosts to haunt. A pity Cloud didn’t stay at home more often; the ghosts he carried would soon be exorcised, she reflected bitterly. Weaving between the people on the street, she ran for the familiarity of the Midgar slums.

The Sector 7 plate had been brought down by the AVALANCHE terrorists on the night she met him. He’d fallen right through the roof. Both her boyfriends had, and through them both, she’d taken hold of her birthright.

She moved unerringly toward her destination, undaunted by numerous dangers the ruins of Midgar held for the living. They could not harm her. The piles of wreckage lay around her, rusted and corroded, twisted by immense force. A gothic building built in the ages past loomed suddenly out of the fog, its intact infrastructure at odds with the destruction that surrounded it. Stopping outside the doors of the Sector 7 church, Aerith hesitated.

Aerith laid a hand on the familiar walls, running her fingers over the grooves and cracks of the door, almost able to feel the rough, weathered wood under her fingertips. She hoped being here would help her find some measure of peace and mind, as it had done for her so many times in the past.

It had since been desecrated, first by Turks, then by remnants, before being sanctified by her healing rain. It now held a pool of clear pristine water, around which grew flowers of pure white and iridescent yellow. It was a place where Aerith felt at home. Pushing the doors open, Aerith slipped through the old wooden pews, skirting piles of debris and fallen pillars only half visible through the mist until she reached the edge of the flower bed. Silently, she moved among the flowers, running an ethereal palm across the delicate petals, which swirled at her touch, as if caught by a gentle breeze.

Around her, soaring rafters and beams of wood painstakingly carved by artisans long forgotten stretched to the skies, held up by majestic stone pillars. The wall to the left had been blown apart in the days of the Geostigma crisis, and already, her flowers were creeping up the ruins and out into the ruins of Midgar. The first rays of sunlight shone through the massive break in the wall, dimmed by the fog which hung heavily even over the surface of the water.

Aerith halted at the edge of the pool. An urge caught her suddenly, and she gathered her will to her, coalescing into a visible, nearly tangible body. Stepping into the water, Aerith waded out into the lake, shattering its smooth glass surface. The fog swirled around her, enveloping her in its embrace. The almost-sensation of the frigid water on her skin, the almost-feeling of the water-laden dress against her body was exquisite, and for once, Aerith could pretend that she was human again. She could pretend she was alive.

Aerith came to a stop in the centre of the pool, in front of the polished Buster Sword entombed in its shrine of flowers. Staring at the blade, tracing its minute crevices, pale scratches, keen edge and clean sheen, she could not stop her mind from wandering away into the hours, days and weeks long submerged by the endless tides of time.

In front of Aerith, the waters lay as still as molten glass, distorting wavelengths of light into the alpha, beta, gamma, and the countless other frequencies she could not sense. The lights danced across her perfect reflection on the water’s surface, creating shimmering ripples that flowed through her to touch the aged wood and stone behind.

The voice caught her unawares, but it was not unfamiliar to her. It whispered through the microscopic cracks in the plaster of the walls, through the rays of light filtering down into the church, weaving through the sparkling motes of dust in the air.

“You are troubled, child.” Instinctively, the Cetra knew it was the planet who was speaking to her. Then, the glass surface in front of her broke, and her reflection rose out of the water, taking an ethereal shape. Impossibly, this mirror image of Aerith rose to its feet, walking on the water’s surface to stand before her.

Startled at the familiar visage now looking her straight in the face, Aerith took a step back, stumbling as only a ghost could stumble; shocked, horrified, and even repulsed by the form the planet had chose to take. Even so, her conscience whispered to her that she should feel honoured, that the planet had chosen to exalt her so, using Aerith’s mortal image in all the planet’s immortal glory.

“I’m not.” Aerith turned away from the planet’s avatar, shoulders hunched, feeling as if something in her chest should be hammering away, but instead feeling only an empty void.

“It is the price you pay for lingering in the world of men,” the planet’s voice, like her image, was identical to Aerith’s own. The avatar moved around her so they could stand face to face, light trickling off its form as water would have trickled off any other person.

“And it’s a price I’m willing to pay. In fact, it’s no price at all!” Aerith snapped in reply, averting her eyes from that of the planet’s avatar. Though those brown eyes matched hers, they were somehow more beautiful, yet more terrifying than her own. “There’s nothing you can say that can make me change my mind.” Aerith ran her hands through her hair in frustration, wisps of brown hair escaping the pink ribbon she perpetually wore, even in death.

The planet’s voice became softer, “Even you can see that your presence here is destructive. You are wise beyond your years, and have carried such burdens that none should ever have to bear.”

“I won’t believe that, I’ve earned at least the right to self-delusion.” Aerith laughed bitterly. “He’s happy now. More peaceful that he’s ever been.”

“You know what you say is not true. He isn’t getting better because of you. He’s getting worse. You’re pulling him down. And you’re unbalancing nature, by being here. The laws that you are bound to are not changed, and neither have you been released from them. You must cease your childishness.”

“You have not the right to judge me! You were the one who called me to this duty. You were the one that made me take this path. Now, I’ve done all that you asked. I’ve done my duty – and more! Can’t you just leave me alone? Leave us alone?” Aerith’s vehement voice rang out, echoing around the aged stone columns. Her voice sounded harsh, far too harsh as compared to the avatar’s lilting tones.

“Our duty never leaves us. And you must not step off the path you have chosen. I believe that even if I had not called you, you would have still stepped up to save them all. That strength is in you. That strength will allow you to leave this mortal world behind, and join your waiting mother." The woman glided around her, stepping primly off the water’s surface and settling herself on one of the old wooden pews.

“And I do have the right to judge you.” The planet fixed her stern gaze upon Aerith, and the girl quailed slightly under it, taking a step further back into the water. “Especially when it concerns the lives of all that live on the planet,” the double of Aerith continued. “Your lingering here is disruptive.” The planet’s accusation was incongruous with its gentle tone.

“It isn’t!” Aerith folded her arms across her chest.

“You cannot deny it.” The planet stated forcefully. A hint of impatience had crept into its voice.

Aerith turned her back to the avatar, arms still stubbornly folded. A fierce passion burned in her chest where there was none before. “I don’t want to hear you anymore. I’ll stay here as long as I want. I’ve already sacrificed so much. I won’t give them up.” Aerith attempted to straighten her clothes and hair in an attempt to remain dignified. Her mind whirled with the red-hot flame of rebellion. No one had ever defied the planet before.

Aerith strode to the door, hair askew in the morning breeze. “I’m not going to listen anymore. When I feel it’s time to go, I’ll leave.”

“You are on a road that leads only to pain. And not only for yourself. I will not stand by and see you wreck all that you have helped me save.” The planet rose to her feet, not a hair out of place, her carriage both stately and elegant.

“And look at you. Your insistence on dwelling here has left you bereft of your radiance, bereft of your dignity. You do not shine as your kin do.” The planet’s admonishments fell on deaf ears.

“I wouldn’t expect you to understand.” Aerith stalked off into the ruins of Midgar, leaving the avatar behind. The planet didn’t follow.

She didn’t really understand what she was doing either. A little voice whispered her that she should remove herself from this world, that what she was doing was hurting others. After all, she was already a constant witness to Tifa’s pain. But all she knew was only the ever-present longing that enveloped her; its clamor drowning out all rationality. Hurrying through the rapidly dissipating fog, Aerith left her once sanctuary more troubled than when she’d entered it.

A/N: And the third chapter! Tell me how it is, and point out my errors. I'm sure there are quite a few.