Thursday, July 30, 2009

A/N: For the record, the last time I tried writing in this style, it was so forced and stilted that I almost died after reading it just now. For those who have read my Star Wars NaNoWriMo about two years ago, you should know.

A/N: This is probably the final form. I can't think of much else on my own. Need your feedback. =)


Chapter One
She wrings the dishwater from the rag and straightens up. Two glasses, still half-full of bitter, stand forlornly on the table in the corner. The table's former occupants stagger to the door, letting themselves out into the night. The storm howls in through the open door, snow and sleet scudding in waves across the cracked wooden floor as frigid air swirls into the smoky, musky interior of Seventh Heaven. The screen door slaps closed again against the glacial temperatures of Edge's harsh winter.
He's out, somewhere, in that freezing hell.
Rag in one hand, the other tucking a raven curtain of hair behind her ears, she moves over to the seats they recently vacated . Mechanically, she wipes the splintered wood of the tabletop before walking back to the counter. The glasses clink together when she sets them down into the sink.
She's always been good at this. Mixing up cocktails, pouring out draughts of beer and other liquors have always come naturally to her. She finds comfort in her constant, repetitive work. But lately, finding her peace hasn't been so easy.
The bar's empty now. The last of the regulars have left, and Seventh Heaven isn't one of those big, raucous establishments which run around the clock. Giving the room a cursory glance, she picks up a dustpan and broom, and begins to sweep the grime and dirt accumulated on the floor.
She wishes he'd come and scour the layer of accumulated pain off her soul.
When she's done, she sets the cleaning tools back into their cupboard. She powers down the lights, the music, and the various appliances behind the bar. She fingers the dirty calico curtains that frame the two windows looking into the street. They're long due for a wash, she thinks.
If she could wash the guilt from his soul, and the years, prematurely gained, from both their spirits.
The shadows cast by the lights on the street race across her face. She draws the curtains, a little light barely trickling through the gaps to dance upon the barren floor behind her. Keys in hand, she moves to the door.
She stops. She turns back to the bar, picks up a rag, and absent-mindedly begins to polish one of the glasses which line the shelves on the wall behind her. She doesn't want to lock the doors. Not just yet. He's still out there. She doesn't want to lock the doors when he's still on his way home, when Fenrir might just be around the corner. It just doesn't feel right. So she perches herself on the counter, glass in hand. She decides to wait, if only for a little while more.
The smallest hand on the clock has never moved more slowly for her. The silence lies heavily on the aged beams and weathered concrete around her as she sits along in the dark, the hollow shadows of the emptiness around her reflecting those in her heart.

Every once in a while, she gets up, hurrying to the window. She's disappointed every time. The storm shows no signs of abating as she peers through the frosted panes, just as there's no sign of him. She lets the curtain fall back over the window, and resumes her silent vigil. She's already polished half of the glasses on the shelf.

A flicker of movement in her peripheral vision startles her from her private thoughts. A heavy step rings out, heard clearly even over the banshee-like howls of wind. Someone's on the patio. No one should be on the patio; not at this time of night, and much less in the raging tempest outside.

At least, not anyone with that heavy a step. A silhouette is cast onto the screen door. It isn’t him. He isn’t that tall, nor does he have the sheer bulk of the man about to open the door.

She slips off the counter, landing in a crouch. Her muscles tense, and her mind races through the myriad possibilities. She knows that no one in the neighbourhood would be so presumptuous as to attempt a robbery on her. The last one that tried could barely crawl away when she was finished with him. Coincidentally, he was also the first to try. Her fingers tighten around the glass she holds.

Then the door opens, and a man bearing a deeply tanned face enters. Snow is heavily crusted on the shoulders of his jacket.

“Barret!” She exclaims, as she relaxes and moves forwards, shaking her head in disbelief. “What in the world? Look at the time!”

The man known to Avalanche as Barret pulls off his hood, revealing closely shaven black hair. He turns around, shrugging off his leather jacket, and gives her a wide grin.

“And look at you! You’re practically frozen.” Setting down the glass and rag on the counter, she takes his coat from him, and drapes it across the chair in front of the heater.

“You said you’d get here in the morning. Well, it is technically morning, but…”

Barret cuts her off with another wide grin of his and a careless wave of his hand, as he slaps on the light. The servos in his machine arm whine as he gestures towards her.

“Can’t I get home early to see my best girl?”

She rolls her eyes and laughs. “Your best girl is sound asleep upstairs with that plush chocobo of hers. She doesn’t need her big, brave papa to brave the harshest storm in all of Gaia just so he can get himself and that non-existent brain of his frozen.”

He laughs along with her, holding his hands above the heater. “I thought to give her a surprise, y’see. So she can wake up in the morning to her papa right beside her.”

“Well, she’d wake up crying if she knew her papa was lying frozen somewhere in the wilderness,” she retorts.
“Aw, give it a rest, Tifa. I’m here, ain’t I?” The big man waves her off. “Marlene will be over the moon when she sees me. Nothing doin’.” Barret sneaks a glance up the stairs.

The woman named Tifa slugs him on the arm, hard.

“What was that for?” He raises his gleaming metal arm in mock threat.

“Don’t you dare, Barret Wallace. I know what you’re thinking. Marlene needs her sleep. You are not to go wake her up. “ She waves a disapproving finger in his face.

Grinning like a kid caught sneaking candy from the kitchen, he raises both his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright. She needs her sleep, “ he concedes. “But it seems that you don’t…”

“And there’s nothing you can do about that.” Tifa places her hands on her hips.

“Are you sure?” Barret waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Tifa laughs. Raising her eyebrows, she gives him a stern glare. She’s glad for his company, this night. At least, her mind won’t have the chance to run away from her.

“Not like I’d dare to do anything, Spikey’ll have me for lunch,” he continues rambling on, bending over to look under the bar. His words pierce a sensitive spot in her soul. How Tifa wishes that he would indeed have Barret for lunch if he tried anything. Not that Barret would, but she’s not even sure what his reaction would be. Maybe he wouldn’t even care…

“….any more of that scotch? “

Tifa doesn’t respond, unwilling trapped in her thoughts, a prisoner inside her head.

“Maybe it’s not just me that’s got my brain frozen,” Barret mutters. He waves the near empty bottle in front of Tifa’s face.

She starts in surprise, leaping to her feet. “Wha..? Oh yeah, more scotch.” She goes to the bar and begins rummaging through the dusty bottles.

“Tifa? You feeling okay?” Barret leans on the counter, a concerned expression on his face.

She doesn’t want his concern. She doesn’t need his concern, she tells herself.

“I’m just tired, Barret. I’ll be going to bed. Enjoy your drink.” She shoves the bottle she’s found into his hand, and turns away, heading for the stairs.

Tifa can imagine his shocked expression. But she doesn’t want to see it. She takes the stairs two at a time, and races for the safety for her room, hoping to avoid the inevitable question chasing her up the staircase.
“He’s not back, is he?” Barret’s questions echoes through the house.

But she’s already slamming the door on it, shutting it out. She turns the lock harder than she should, and the iron knob breaks off in her. She hurls it across the room, and throws herself across her bed, hot tears leaking from her eyes.

Damn it. Damn it to Sephiroth’s accursed grave.

Barret’s caught on to her again. Tifa knows he’ll be hovering around her for the next few days, treating her as if she were fragile spun glass. She hates it. She isn’t weak. She’s a fighter. She’s a martial artist, for Gaia’s sake. She’s supposed to be strong.

Just that even the hardest materials on earth have their weaknesses. Even diamonds have shatter-points. One gentle tap and a jewel that can withstand thousands of tons of pressure will just shatter into so many pieces. And he’s her weakness. She hates weakness. But she loves him.

So with just one fleeting touch on her Cloud-shaped shatterpoint, the unbreakable diamond that is Tifa Lockhart crumbles to pieces.

~

Tifa wakes with a start, her heart pounding from a dream barely remembered. Feeling her way around in the dark, she flicks the light on.

By the dim light of the single bulb on the ceiling, she examines the salty tracks her tears have left on her face in the tiny mirror on the dressing table. She really hates crying. Especially the horrible hangover it gives her. Tifa Lockhart never does things halfway. There’s no such thing as a small cry for her. Either she keeps a stiff upper lip, or breaks down completely. Her brow furrows in frustration. She’s already late, and has less than an hour to herself before she has to start breakfast.

Tying her hair back in a loose ponytail, Tifa grabs her usual attire – white blouse, black vest and skirt, and heads for the bathroom, closing her door quietly behind her.

She stops just outside Denzel’s room. She looks in at the typical messy room of a boy just entering his teenage years. No sign of him stirring; he’s probably still killing Midgar Zoloms in his dreams. She smiles fondly as she continues down the shadowed corridor.

There’s no sound from Marlene’s room, and surprisingly, no sign of Barret either. He’s probably in Seventh Heaven’s only bathroom. He’d never pass up a chance to cradle his sleeping daughter.

Her suspicions are confirmed when she sees the light on in the bathroom. Despite herself, she sighs. She’s no wish to see him, for he’s sure to ask questions; questions that would cause her no small amount of discomfort. Not to mention she desperately wants her bath, for she’s covered in the yesterday’s dirt and nursing a pounding headache that she hopes the hot water can relieve. So it is with great surprise – and no small amount of irritation that Tifa finds the bathroom door wide open, lights on, but no one inside.

Strangely, she finds this disquieting, even though it’s not a rare occurrence for Denzel or Marlene to have a midnight tryst with the bathroom. She’s told the kids countless times to switch off the lights when they’re done with their business. She shakes her head, planning to give those two a stern reminder at breakfast. Electricity is still expensive, oil being relatively new technology.

Entering the small bathroom, Tifa sets her clothes down on the stool at the side and switches on the heater. Locking the door behind her and releasing her hair, she throws the white hairband carelessly on her pile of discarded outer clothing before carefully untying the red ribbon she wears on her left arm. Setting the ribbon down on her clean clothes, she reaches into the shower to switch the water on.

It’ll be a while before the water’s warm enough, time enough to wash her face and brush her teeth. Turning to the washbasin, Tifa looks up to see her reflection in the old mirror above the sink.

And claps her hand to her mouth to keep from screaming….
A/N: I think that this style of writing isn't sustainable.

As in. You can't write 20 000 words worth of it. At least I won't be able to. It's already getting repetitive. Hence, the two posts previous will be combined into a prologue.

And before you decide to read Chapter 1, let's just keep in mind that it's going to be quite horrible.

So here you go. My combined prologue.



Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, nor the storyline.



He guns the engine and opens the throttle, leaving her behind. He can't, won't stop running. Moving is the only place where he can find a semblance of peace. Staying is too hard. Staying means looking at her. Staying means hurting her. He doesn't want to look into her eyes and see her infinite patience and love. Infinite patience and love that he doesn't deserve, that wields the knife of guilt which tears his already broken heart into microscopic shreds. Love that he can neither accept nor reciprocate. Not now. He isn't ready. So he runs.

It's easy to forget, when the winds are rushing by his ear, when he's got the throaty rumble of his motorcycle underneath him. It's easy to forget the things that he's done. Easy to forget the things that he hasn't done. Easy to forget the people he's let down. Either way, what has been done and what hasn't been done are things that he will not forgive himself for. So as he runs, Guilt and Sorrow raise their shroud from him, if only for a while.

Running isn't the only place where he can find solace. She can't stay for long. Neither can he, for she never lets him. She tells him that he shouldn't keep coming back, that it's unhealthy. But for all she says, he knows that she can't stay away either. She needs him, he thinks, just as he needs her. So they sit together in fields of gold, whiling away time in hours of golden sunshine.

She doesn't need to say anything, or do anything, he thinks. She just has to be, for her presence is a balm for his shattered soul. He's been ravaged by war, and the scars aren't quite healing. Everyday he returns here to wait for her. With her comes blessed bliss and pure, unadulterated happiness. She's happy too, when she's with him. When she looks up at him, her eyes radiate joy; her entire body exudes her happiness. He exalts in the life she exhales and drowns in a sea of contentment.

What he can't quite understand is why she always leaves. Even though it hurts her, she still turns away.

"I'm like a drug to you", she tells him. "You're addicted to me. And it's killing you. And it's killing her." She turns away, a shadow falling across her face.

But he doesn't see what's wrong with being addicted to iridescent and innocent light. He doesn't let himself see what's wrong. Even when he knows, deep down, there is truth in her words.

He reaches for her, pleading. He tells her that she is all he needs, all he ever wanted. She raises her eyes to the horizon. The day hesistates between the light and the dark; the sun's dying rays trace the curve of her neck.

"Go back. It isn't right for you to be here with me. Your home is with them. They need you. She needs you." She keeps her back turned.

"You need her." He doesn't need to see her face to know that she's crying.

So she leaves, fading into the breeze, chased by the last of the blood-red shimmers. He remains where he is, breathing in her flowery scent. He'll be back tomorrow, just as he knows that she will.






~





She turns away from him. He thinks she doesn't want to let him see her tears. But she turns for her own sake. She can't bear to leave. Just looking at him makes her yearn to stay. Makes her yearn to comfort him. Makes her yearn that she had been a little more selfish that day. She blames herself for the broken man that sits behind her. But what's done is done.

She tells him what she knows is right. She tells him to go back. She knows he hears with his ears, but deafens his heart.

She has to leave, she knows. The longer she stays, the more he'll hurt when her rationality overpowers her bleeding heart. The longer her best friend will have to lie awake in bed waiting for the sound of Fenrir's engine.

She lets herself go, returning back to the Promised Land.


It's so hard. She knows that she is his Promised Land, and she can't take that promise away from him. He's already lost so much. So has she. In his rare smiles, she finds all that could have been.

They say it's easy to be detached when you're up here. They're definitely wrong. Sharp irony pierces her through. It's weird, she thinks, being able to find the strength of will to lay down her life, but unable to muster the will to simply resist him. Down on the planet, she has leagues and leagues of distance to put between her and him. But from up here, she's but a split second away from him, no matter where he is. She sees his suffering clearly, and she just can't look away.


Everyday, he waits for her. Everyday, she goes to him. When they meet, it's like a joining of souls, a conflagration of love unfulfilled. And when they part, they both hurt a little more. It's a cycle that she is unwilling to, unable to stop. Yet she knows that she must, for his sake, and for the sake of the woman and young boy waiting in Seventh Heaven. The young boy whom she sent to him. The woman who was - is her best friend.

She wonders how is it that they have come to this. How is it that they're just so screwed up. Screwed up together. She, the gentle flower girl, and he, the cold mercenary. How she has to be the one to stand against the darkness that threatens him, just like he defended her a lifetime ago. She cries for him, lets tears trace down her cheeks for the loss of the shrewd, yet innocent infantryman he was; for the loss of her bodyguard and protector. She cries at the bitterness of roles reversed.


She'll be the burning brand in his darkest night. Her heart won't allow her to do anything less. But she knows that he can't go on this way. Neither can those who are waiting for him. She loves them too. But maybe, she just loves him more.




Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Disclaimer: I don't own them; they aren't mine. Just playing around in Square Enix's sandbox



She turns away from him. He thinks she doesn't want to let him see her tears. But she turns for her own sake. She can't bear to leave. Just looking at him makes her yearn to stay. Makes her yearn to comfort him. Makes her yearn that she had been a little more selfish that day. She blames herself for the broken man that sits behind her. But what's done is done.


She tells him what she knows is right. She tells him to go back. She knows he hears with his ears, but deafens his heart.

She has to leave, she knows. The longer she stays, the more he'll hurt when her rationality overpowers her bleeding heart. The longer her best friend will have to lie awake in bed waiting for the sound of Fenrir's engine.

She lets herself go, returning back to the Promised Land.

It's so hard. She knows that she is his Promised Land, and she can't take that promise away from him. He's already lost so much. So has she. In his rare smiles, she finds all that could have been.

They say it's easy to be detached when you're up here. They're definitely wrong. Sharp irony pierces her through. It's weird, she thinks, being able to find the strength of will to lay down her life, but unable to muster the will to simply resist him. Down on the planet, she has leagues and leagues of distance to put between her and him. But from up here, she's but a split second away from him, no matter where he is. She sees his suffering clearly, and she just can't look away.

Everyday, he waits for her. Everyday, she goes to him. When they meet, it's like a joining of souls, a conflagration of love unfulfilled. And when they part, they both hurt a little more. It's a cycle that she is unwilling to, unable to stop. Yet she knows that she must, for his sake, and for the sake of the woman and young boy waiting in Seventh Heaven. The young boy whom she sent to him. The woman who was - is her best friend.

She wonders how is it that they have come to this. How is it that they're just so screwed up. Screwed up together. She, the gentle flower girl, and he, the cold mercenary. How she has to be the one to stand against the darkness that threatens him, just like he defended her a lifetime ago. She cries for him, lets tears trace down her cheeks for the loss of the shrewd, yet innocent infantryman he was; for the loss of her bodyguard and protector. She cries at the bitterness of roles reversed.

She'll be the burning brand in his darkest night. Her heart wouldn't allow her to do anything less. But she knows that he can't go on this way. Neither can those who are waiting for him. She loves them too. But maybe, she just loves him more.


Note: It's a lot harder writing from her point of view. I think the last paragraph is a problem. Will relook again when I've got the inspiration.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, nor the storyline.

He guns the engine and opens the throttle, leaving her behind. He can't, won't stop running. Moving is the only place where he can find a semblance of peace. Staying is too hard. Staying means looking at her. Staying means hurting her. He doesn't want to look into her eyes and see her infinite patience and love. Infinite patience and love that he doesn't deserve, that wields the knife of guilt which tears his already broken heart into microscopic shreds. Love that he can neither accept nor reciprocate. Not now. He isn't ready. So he runs.

It's easy to forget, when the winds are rushing by his ear, when he's got the throaty rumble of his motorcycle underneath him. It's easy to forget the things that he's done. Easy to forget the things that he hasn't done. Easy to forget the people he's let down. Either way, what has been done and what hasn't been done are things that he will not forgive himself for. So as he runs, Guilt and Sorrow raise their shroud from him, if only for a while.

Running isn't the only place where he can find solace. She can't stay for long. Neither can he, for she never lets him. She tells him that he shouldn't keep coming back, that it's unhealthy. But for all she says, he knows that she can't stay away either. She needs him, he thinks, just as he needs her. So they sit together in fields of gold, whiling away time in hours of golden sunshine.

She doesn't need to say anything, or do anything, he thinks. She just has to be, for her presence is a balm for his shattered soul. He's been ravaged by war, and the scars aren't quite healing. Everyday he returns here to wait for her. With her comes blessed bliss and pure, unadulterated happiness. She's happy too, when she's with him. When she looks up at him, her eyes radiate joy, her entire body exuding her happiness. He exalts in the life she exhales and drowns in a sea of contentment.

What he can't quite understand is why she always leaves. Even though it hurts her, she still turns away, and tells him to go home. He reaches for her, pleading, telling her that she is all he needs.

"I'm like a drug to you", she tells him. "You're addicted to me. And it's killing you. And it's killing her." She turns away, a shadow falling across her face.

But he doesn't see what's wrong with being addicted to iridescent and innocent light. He doesn't let himself see what's wrong. Even when he knows, deep down, there is truth in her words.

"Go back. It isn't right for you to be here with me. Your home is with them. They need you. She needs you." She keeps her back turned.

"You need her." He doesn't need to see her face to know that she's crying.

So she leaves, fading into the breeze. He remains where he is, breathing in her flowery scent. He'll be back tomorrow, just as he knows that she will.

Note: I know its really horrible. But I was finding work a bit dry, so I've come up with this nonsense.




Monday, July 20, 2009

Procrastination

I. Really. Really. Abhor. This. Week.

And the next two, at least.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Smiling

Just smile. Apparently, it makes you feel better.

You can use the evidence that Kai Tsi was spouting at me during lunch.

Or maybe the fact that chinese is better due to our teacher being unusually cheerful. I hope it continues this way. ><


I've got to be happier with what I have. Which means that I also have to be happy with what I do. Very unhappy today, that means.


But still. Just smile.

Darn.